I have come to the realization, and I guess acceptance, that battling temptations and facing food triggers are now becoming part of my everyday life! In the past, you see, I gave in to every food whim, every craving,every desire! I never told myself NO, and if I did I always found a way to persuade myself in the other direction or justify the food choice! I am the person who has never seen 100% weight loss success and have never made myself faithfully stick to any health ventures I set out on! I have always been driven by momentary emotions. Food has been a friend, a void filler, a soother, an anxiety easer, a place to drown my sorrows or celebrate my successes! It has been all these things, but only for a short period of time…before it turns on you and stabs you in the back and makes you feel ashamed, guilty, unworthy and a down right failure!
Today though, food was none of those things! Food wasn’t even given the opportunity to make me feel powerless! I walked into lunch feeling mediocre about the Italian Chicken Stew I made for lunches this week! I know I am weird, but I hate the taste chicken has after a day or two. Anyway, I was dumping my stew into my bowl and another teacher walks to the fridge and takes out a giant Chipotle bowl. My whole insides (mind, heart, stomach) all sank at the same time. Why? Why? Why, couldn’t I have Chipotle today!!! I began leading my mind on a sensuous journey through the many tastes of a burrito bowl. And I stopped! The food I have is sufficient, it is whole and nourishing and I can be satisfied with what I have! I looked across the table at her a few times, but for the most part I focused on my hearty meal. When I finished eating, 35 min later, I was full, satisfied and no longer thinking of the Chipotle I couldn’t have.
I am not sure if you ever recover from the thoughts and tastes of foods you choose not to eat, much like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict can pull up the same thoughts about their substances. The difference is, it is more important now to focus on the satisfied and nourished feelings that whole sustainable foods can bring us.
Empowered, proud and worthy of the very best!
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